I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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