remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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