do herpes really smell.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
