So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
