it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
