Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
