On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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