Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
