At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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