i just wanna soil my oats bro
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
