my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
