he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
