She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
