Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
