I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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