Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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