I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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