I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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