This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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