How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
