Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
