i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
