The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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