I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
