A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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