yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
