my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
