Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
