Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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