Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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