Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
