Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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