she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
