Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
