Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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