dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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