Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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