I CAN MOONWALK!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
