Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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