i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
