I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
