Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
