I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
