3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
