wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Randomize
