his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
