I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
