I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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