I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
