And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
