after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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