just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize