Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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