Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize