Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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