forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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