I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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