i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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