Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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