Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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