so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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