I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
