i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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