Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
