if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
