Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
