My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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