My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize