Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
