and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
