Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
